ACADIA IS GONE

I hate it so much how people I used to care about, used to be good friends with, shared secrets with either hate me, don't notice me or don't care.

I'm not saying that people hating me and not caring is anything new to me, since it's really not.

I just wish these people would give me enough as to say it to my face. Even if you don't have a reason, as a human being don't I deserve at least that much?

There are SO many people I used to talk to in classes, or would say 'hi' in the halls, but apparently I'm not good enough to them for that kind of personable communication anymore.

I used to talk to so many people, people I used to think actually wanted to talk to me, or cared enough to feign an int rest for the few minutes to took to get me to help them solve their problems.

But I am starting the get answer to a question I've been asking myself since I was probably around ten years old. 'Would anyone really care, or miss me, if I just disappeared?' apparently the amount of people is much lower than I thought. I assumed there would be a few people that would care that clearly don't.

A few people I grew up with, that I've known all of my life (or at least it seems that way), don't seem to care much. One of them is quite nice in the hallway, enough for mild chit chat, but that's just the type of person she is.

I really miss her, we used to be such good friends and now I'm lucky if she says hello to me in the hallway. It really hurts me to see that she's going through such a hard time right now and I had to find out through her blog, she used to actually tell me stuff.

I admit I probably didn't make friendship easy for her in recent years. Most of the time we spoke towards the end of it I was too stressed from every other problem I had to not unload bits on her.

I feel so bad because I'm sure it's my fault we don't talk. The friends we shared said things to her jokingly that I think may have affected her. She got a different group and I still have mine, but I really miss that she's not part of it.

Plus there's this guy I used to be fairly close to, we talked all the time about problems and stuff try and help each other without being too specific, well he doesn't talk to me anymore. His locker is right near the station and I see him every so often, since last year I haven't gotten a hi or a wave, or even some sort of indication he even cares that I exist.

The sad thing is I used to really like him, I never told him, but I'm sure he knew. I'm not sure if he ever liked me but we were still pretty good friends outside of that little detail, people constantly teased us about it, even out grade nine tech teacher thought he had something between us.

I'm not sure whether I wish we had or not, but I wish we still spoke that's for damn sure.

I'm sure there are better to vent my emotions than online in a blog anyone could read, even the people I've mentioned already, but writing it out by hand in a journal would kill a few too many trees for my liking.

There are far too many people I spoke to even last year that I don't talk to now. The only person I was friends with in math class doesn't acknowledge me, everyone but one person from my drama class last year don't talk to me. I lost all the friends I had in my third period french class before that semester, and History I only had Rowan as far as people that would talk to me are concerned.

Ironically I had all afternoon with the girl I mentioned before, and history with the guy.

I think now that I'm in radio it's just made me that much easier to lift out of their memories and their lives.

I'm so tired of all these whiny little emo blog posts, but I'm too stressed out to find another way to cope. The party I went to on Friday was unbelievably tempting. If it weren't for getting my finals done that afternoon, I probably would have ended up being part of a third pair of people drunkenly making out.

At least I'm getting to be able to resist temptations from other ways to cope so if writing lengthy emo blogs helps more than any of the other methods I've been forced into then so be it. I hope any of you who read this realize that for the next while this will likely be me whining and bitching.

But hey I may just make another blog for that all together to keep people from getting annoyed again.

In the house I grew up in
My room in the basement
The hours turning
To years we've spent
Remember Chris in the back yard
Laughing so damn hard
And no one knew why
But the rest is forgotten

Behind me
Sometimes it reminds me
Of when we, we used to
Belong here

Every memory comes on
When I hear that old song
We used to sing
With the words all wrong
I remember the faces
And familiar places
Tonight seemed all wrong
But Acadia is gone

Now we've all moved away and
Somehow became me
But I remember where it began...