Okay so I'm heavy into helping 'To Write Love On Her Arms' now-a days, more so than I was before. I want this charity to help everyone that needs it. Go to their website or their Social Vibe page their should be a link in the side bar thing (Over there <---).
I'm getting their shirts for Christmas, (as long as you're not using FEDEX, shipping only like 5$). I'm so excited this Charity is something I strongly endorse. Go to their website, read their mission statement and the story that got it all started.
Helping them is helping me, so please do the Social Vibe stuff, it's a way to help them for free, I seriously love this cause.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
Holy Friggen Shit.
Okay so, I'm completely overwhelmed by life right now. When I think about it, it could be so much worse, but at the moment it's still too much.
I don't want to blog about my problems anymore, because that's what I've been doing for a while now. Whether it's on this site or another. Even through writing it's how I end up, dealing. Well not really, it's more like pretending to deal. Like convincing myself I'm okay with all this stuff that's actually crushing me. I can barely even sleep anymore.
Plus now that people are "following" me it makes it harder. I don't want them to either feel pity, or look at me like I'm bitching about things that aren't real problems. I mostly don't like people knowing whats going on, it's the way I am and have been for as long as I can remember.
But my godmother's been dead for a little over five months now, she's missed her 11 year-old son's first day of school this year. She missed my 16th birthday which is something she'd been talking about since I was like three. She missed her own 43rd birthday, her father's birthday and thanks giving. Now Halloween, which was something her and my god brother used to love.
I know people die. At least one person dies like every second. But it's hard when its someone who was one of the closest things to a second parent.
Of course I'm not her son, who's lost his mother, his cat and his dog. His father is an idiot and an asshole so he's had his girlfriend move into his house, living and sleeping in his mother's room. wearing her clothes. Of course she brought her two children with her and he now has to share all of his things, and he doesn't even have his old room anymore.
He shares the guest bedroom with that bitch's son while her daughter sleeps soundly every night in his old bedroom. The two other kids mother sleeping just as soundly laying next to his father in the room where his mother died. The stress that killed her caused by him.
Of course Christmas and his birthday are both coming up soon. No surprise that I'm sure he'll get kicked into the corner while the two other kids live in his house and play with his toys. I would not be surprised if his father forgot when his 12th birthday comes in January.
His father is even being such an ass as to keep him from his aunt and grandparents whenever possible in fear that he might say something discriminatory about the two. This poor kid must be ready to explode. He also has mild case of aspergers, a form a autism, which makes it hard for him to adapt to change, and he likes his life lived in routine.
Now with all that just happening. My grandfather who had a third, or fourth, triple bypass surgery may 5th; while I was watching four of my favorite people perform on stage, has now been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease, which isn't as bad as other news I've gotten recently, but it's still by no means "good news".
But over the pass few months my other grandfather has been struggling with complications with problems he's had for probably close to thirty years if not more, has been talking to doctors who've told him he needs a lung transplant.
The doctors predict the lung transplant could prolong his life at least ten years, without it it'll be almost a miracle if he lives another five. He went before a panel of doctors last Monday for a teleconference so they could figure stuff out. It took the doctors four whole days, after months of waiting for the conference itself, that the risk of him not surviving the operation is higher than they'd like. Of course he's probably about seventy years old and a lung transplant would probably be risky for anyone that age.
They said that all they're basically willing to do is wait for him to die. All we can do about that is sit and watch and make him as comfortable as possible. And with swine flu in full swing there's no guarantee that he will survive that, thankfully it's not a huge problem in his area and he's at a low risk.
Also my mother's best-friend, is also dying. I've known her just as long as any of my mother's other friends but she's been dying the longest. It's just too much for one sixteen-year-old to worry about.
My godmother's dead, my mother's best friend is dying slowly, my grandfather's dying even more slowly, and my other grandfather will be dead before I'm 21.
He'll most likely never get to meet a single one of his great grandchildren, or see any of his granddaughters get married, or his youngest grandson, who's almost eleven, graduate middle school, let alone high school.
While this hurricane is whirling around me, I'm expected to stay grounded, focused, keep my grades up, stay straight-edge and support the rest of my family while they cry about the few things out of all of this that affect them. Most of my family, aside from my mother, only have my grandfather with the lung problems to worry about.
I hate being forced into looking like nothing is wrong, it's not like I'm not used to pretending I'm fine, I just thought I'd be able to be myself fully by now. And it's getting harder and harder to cope.
I don't want to blog about my problems anymore, because that's what I've been doing for a while now. Whether it's on this site or another. Even through writing it's how I end up, dealing. Well not really, it's more like pretending to deal. Like convincing myself I'm okay with all this stuff that's actually crushing me. I can barely even sleep anymore.
Plus now that people are "following" me it makes it harder. I don't want them to either feel pity, or look at me like I'm bitching about things that aren't real problems. I mostly don't like people knowing whats going on, it's the way I am and have been for as long as I can remember.
But my godmother's been dead for a little over five months now, she's missed her 11 year-old son's first day of school this year. She missed my 16th birthday which is something she'd been talking about since I was like three. She missed her own 43rd birthday, her father's birthday and thanks giving. Now Halloween, which was something her and my god brother used to love.
I know people die. At least one person dies like every second. But it's hard when its someone who was one of the closest things to a second parent.
Of course I'm not her son, who's lost his mother, his cat and his dog. His father is an idiot and an asshole so he's had his girlfriend move into his house, living and sleeping in his mother's room. wearing her clothes. Of course she brought her two children with her and he now has to share all of his things, and he doesn't even have his old room anymore.
He shares the guest bedroom with that bitch's son while her daughter sleeps soundly every night in his old bedroom. The two other kids mother sleeping just as soundly laying next to his father in the room where his mother died. The stress that killed her caused by him.
Of course Christmas and his birthday are both coming up soon. No surprise that I'm sure he'll get kicked into the corner while the two other kids live in his house and play with his toys. I would not be surprised if his father forgot when his 12th birthday comes in January.
His father is even being such an ass as to keep him from his aunt and grandparents whenever possible in fear that he might say something discriminatory about the two. This poor kid must be ready to explode. He also has mild case of aspergers, a form a autism, which makes it hard for him to adapt to change, and he likes his life lived in routine.
Now with all that just happening. My grandfather who had a third, or fourth, triple bypass surgery may 5th; while I was watching four of my favorite people perform on stage, has now been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease, which isn't as bad as other news I've gotten recently, but it's still by no means "good news".
But over the pass few months my other grandfather has been struggling with complications with problems he's had for probably close to thirty years if not more, has been talking to doctors who've told him he needs a lung transplant.
The doctors predict the lung transplant could prolong his life at least ten years, without it it'll be almost a miracle if he lives another five. He went before a panel of doctors last Monday for a teleconference so they could figure stuff out. It took the doctors four whole days, after months of waiting for the conference itself, that the risk of him not surviving the operation is higher than they'd like. Of course he's probably about seventy years old and a lung transplant would probably be risky for anyone that age.
They said that all they're basically willing to do is wait for him to die. All we can do about that is sit and watch and make him as comfortable as possible. And with swine flu in full swing there's no guarantee that he will survive that, thankfully it's not a huge problem in his area and he's at a low risk.
Also my mother's best-friend, is also dying. I've known her just as long as any of my mother's other friends but she's been dying the longest. It's just too much for one sixteen-year-old to worry about.
My godmother's dead, my mother's best friend is dying slowly, my grandfather's dying even more slowly, and my other grandfather will be dead before I'm 21.
He'll most likely never get to meet a single one of his great grandchildren, or see any of his granddaughters get married, or his youngest grandson, who's almost eleven, graduate middle school, let alone high school.
While this hurricane is whirling around me, I'm expected to stay grounded, focused, keep my grades up, stay straight-edge and support the rest of my family while they cry about the few things out of all of this that affect them. Most of my family, aside from my mother, only have my grandfather with the lung problems to worry about.
I hate being forced into looking like nothing is wrong, it's not like I'm not used to pretending I'm fine, I just thought I'd be able to be myself fully by now. And it's getting harder and harder to cope.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Panic at the disco are disapointing me
Okay, so, I don't know if anyone that reads this cares, but my absolutley favorite band PANIC! AT THE DISCO broke up! I mean really Ryan and Jon can't just leave, it's not very nice to the fans, as long as they're happy i guess, but still they were the ones that got me into music, that first killer band is like crucial... I'm going to miss Panic, the way it's supposed to be with Brendon, Ryan, Spencer and Jon all together as one amazing little band. And what'll happen to Erik they keyboardist!!! What will he do!?
In happier news, All Time Low's latest album, Nothing Personal, drops tomorrow (jult 7th 2009) and I'm so excited that's something that's gonna keep me happy until wednsday.
Oh and summer school isn't that badm but it sure as hell ain't great... stupid math...
In happier news, All Time Low's latest album, Nothing Personal, drops tomorrow (jult 7th 2009) and I'm so excited that's something that's gonna keep me happy until wednsday.
Oh and summer school isn't that badm but it sure as hell ain't great... stupid math...
Thursday, May 28, 2009
When bad things happen to the best people.
Monday afternoon I was excited about something the wonderful rowan had convinced me to do. Okay that makes said thing sound much better than it truely is. I got home from school late, probably close to three-thirty. Within a half an hour or so of being home my mother got a devastating phone-call from Mr. Brian Bover. He regretfully informed her that her best-friend, my god-mother and his daughter had passed away sometime early that morning. As it turns out my mother was also the last person to see her alive.
To anyone who has stumbled upon this blog by searching her name, I'm so truely sorry (especially if I happen to be the one to inform you of this tradgedy) to write that Marleen Ann King R.N. (maiden name Bover) passed away early Monday May 25th. The coroner's final diagnosis was a heart attack.
I started the week excited to celebrate my best-friends 16th birthday, which also happens to me May 25th, and I'm ending it with the funeral of my mother's best-friend. She was only 42 when she passed away and leaves behind her Parents, sister, ten-year-old son and husband as well as many friends and other relatives who will miss her greatly.
She was a wonderfull person and in all honesty I figured that my mother would pass on first, mostly since Marleen was my godmother. In my mind I figured that I would end up needing her to be my godmother.
I hope anyone who stumbles upon this blog, or even reads it regularly has had a better week than I have. And with that I bid you adieu.
To anyone who has stumbled upon this blog by searching her name, I'm so truely sorry (especially if I happen to be the one to inform you of this tradgedy) to write that Marleen Ann King R.N. (maiden name Bover) passed away early Monday May 25th. The coroner's final diagnosis was a heart attack.
I started the week excited to celebrate my best-friends 16th birthday, which also happens to me May 25th, and I'm ending it with the funeral of my mother's best-friend. She was only 42 when she passed away and leaves behind her Parents, sister, ten-year-old son and husband as well as many friends and other relatives who will miss her greatly.
She was a wonderfull person and in all honesty I figured that my mother would pass on first, mostly since Marleen was my godmother. In my mind I figured that I would end up needing her to be my godmother.
I hope anyone who stumbles upon this blog, or even reads it regularly has had a better week than I have. And with that I bid you adieu.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
3 Days, and a whole lot of problems.
Okay so, FML I can't believe my luck. The one time I think I might have a chance with the guy I like something goes and screws it all up. Like having a gorgeous best friend. I mean don't get me wrong I love her to pieces but she's giorgeous and has like the nicest person ever, and Obviously the guy I like, likes her I can just tell. It pisses me off so much, because I actually like him a lot. FUCK.
It seems to me that spring is a crappy month for love, and at the same time it's not. I fucking hate love and I agree with what a close friend of mine once said 'When we take over the world, we shall abolish love, just completely get rid of it.' I miss the good old days where dating wasn't an issue and the biggest concern was your friends. Not that my friends are like top priority but now I have guys taking up part of that. FUCK I HATE IT.
On a happier note, I'm going to the 'Believer's Never Die Part Deux' tour in three days. I'm excited, I'll be soooo close to All Time Low, Cobra Starship and Hey Monday! I'm really freaking excited. Plus it'll take my mind off of boys and other stupid things, as well as the heart surgery my grandfather is having the same day.
I don't know what to do about this boy problem, there's probably nothing if he likes my best friend. I guess I'll just have to wait until I can talk to one of my other friends, since they give the best advice.
I also HIGHLY recomend that you download the song 'Weightless' by All Time Low, it's amazing.
It seems to me that spring is a crappy month for love, and at the same time it's not. I fucking hate love and I agree with what a close friend of mine once said 'When we take over the world, we shall abolish love, just completely get rid of it.' I miss the good old days where dating wasn't an issue and the biggest concern was your friends. Not that my friends are like top priority but now I have guys taking up part of that. FUCK I HATE IT.
On a happier note, I'm going to the 'Believer's Never Die Part Deux' tour in three days. I'm excited, I'll be soooo close to All Time Low, Cobra Starship and Hey Monday! I'm really freaking excited. Plus it'll take my mind off of boys and other stupid things, as well as the heart surgery my grandfather is having the same day.
I don't know what to do about this boy problem, there's probably nothing if he likes my best friend. I guess I'll just have to wait until I can talk to one of my other friends, since they give the best advice.
I also HIGHLY recomend that you download the song 'Weightless' by All Time Low, it's amazing.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
It's april 22nd, 13 days until the concert!
In exactly 13 days I will be in Toronto at another concert! I, my friends, am excited. Okay so I'm not really fond of fall out boys, anything they made after 2005 is shit in my opinion. But they're headlinging, Cobra Starship(♥), Metro Station, All Time Low (♥♥♥♥♥♥) and Hey Monday (♥♥♥). I'm so excited... even if I'm not in the mosh pit. I plan to get an All Time Low, Cobra Starship and a Hey Monday t-shirt, and a poster or two, if possible. It all depends on how much money I can collect by then.
Haha, today I decided that it would be a great idea to buy ice cream. As amazing as it was it only took three people like fifteen minutes to consume the entire, nearly, two liter container. It was fun, but now we're all full, and Kae-chan left.
Haha, today I decided that it would be a great idea to buy ice cream. As amazing as it was it only took three people like fifteen minutes to consume the entire, nearly, two liter container. It was fun, but now we're all full, and Kae-chan left.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
How long can this go on, Singing myself to sleep, You're haunting every memory,You're still my favorite melody
Okay so I don't have much to talk about really. Well maybe I do.
Today I learned who my (supposed) best friends has a crush on, from her blog not from her, it's weired because I thought that she would tell me these things. I know I normally tell her things like that. Oh well. She's also going to New York for a few days so I won't see her again until nex monday. I hope she has fun, I really do.
At lunch today we also started planning out weddings, for ourselves. I even drew pictures! We're just that amazing. I don't really think I'll ever get married, and I'm not really one of those girls who fantasizes over things like that. I guess the stupid daydreams won't hurt me any. I think it's funny because only one of my friends has a boyfriend, and of course I'm happy for her.
Another thing that happened today was one of my friends tried to add my Grandmother on facebook. It was weird considering they've never met. Also I'm not super close to him either. Needless to say I'm still kind of laughing about.
I don't know about you but for us Easter dinner was this weekend; three if my cousins, one of my aunts, one of my uncles, my mother and my grandma (different grandparent than mentioned before), All in one room eating dinner. Almost half way through one of my cousins references Jeff Dunham's Achmed the Dead Terrorist, by saying something along the lines of 'Pass the potatoes or I kill you.' Then my two oldest cousins and I spend another fifteen minutes making other references. By far the best family meal I had in ages!
Needless to say I've had a semi-interesting little while.
OH! I almost forgot, I'm totally confused by the fact that this one chick likes my ex. It blows my mind! He's definetly nothing special, he's actually kinda mean. But I kinda think he likes her back, which is also strange just because of who he is.
I love the feeling that you get yo uthink the guys you like actually kind of dislikes you. It's annoying, but a few of his friends insist I'm crazy because of that. To which I say 'What's you're first hint?' I'm kinda crazy most of the time, they insist that the insanity is only to the thoughts about him disliking me. Oh well, It's not like I'd ask him out anyways, I hate rejection too much.
Anyways I don't have much left to say other than, if you haven't seen Jeff Dunham and Peatnut, or Achmed, you should, go look it up on youtube.
Today I learned who my (supposed) best friends has a crush on, from her blog not from her, it's weired because I thought that she would tell me these things. I know I normally tell her things like that. Oh well. She's also going to New York for a few days so I won't see her again until nex monday. I hope she has fun, I really do.
At lunch today we also started planning out weddings, for ourselves. I even drew pictures! We're just that amazing. I don't really think I'll ever get married, and I'm not really one of those girls who fantasizes over things like that. I guess the stupid daydreams won't hurt me any. I think it's funny because only one of my friends has a boyfriend, and of course I'm happy for her.
Another thing that happened today was one of my friends tried to add my Grandmother on facebook. It was weird considering they've never met. Also I'm not super close to him either. Needless to say I'm still kind of laughing about.
I don't know about you but for us Easter dinner was this weekend; three if my cousins, one of my aunts, one of my uncles, my mother and my grandma (different grandparent than mentioned before), All in one room eating dinner. Almost half way through one of my cousins references Jeff Dunham's Achmed the Dead Terrorist, by saying something along the lines of 'Pass the potatoes or I kill you.' Then my two oldest cousins and I spend another fifteen minutes making other references. By far the best family meal I had in ages!
Needless to say I've had a semi-interesting little while.
OH! I almost forgot, I'm totally confused by the fact that this one chick likes my ex. It blows my mind! He's definetly nothing special, he's actually kinda mean. But I kinda think he likes her back, which is also strange just because of who he is.
I love the feeling that you get yo uthink the guys you like actually kind of dislikes you. It's annoying, but a few of his friends insist I'm crazy because of that. To which I say 'What's you're first hint?' I'm kinda crazy most of the time, they insist that the insanity is only to the thoughts about him disliking me. Oh well, It's not like I'd ask him out anyways, I hate rejection too much.
Anyways I don't have much left to say other than, if you haven't seen Jeff Dunham and Peatnut, or Achmed, you should, go look it up on youtube.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Step Right Up, Shoot An Arrow At The Target, My Heart Is An Easy Thing For You To Hit
Okay so I have decieded that I was going to post again today, mostly since I ma bored and I have NO life. Anyway, I'm currently obsessed with a few albums that I bought recently one is Red Jumpsuit Apparatus' Lonely Road, and the other is Mariana's Trench's Masterpiece Theater, they both rock and I've been listening to them non-stop. Any way I have nothing really left to say so yeahh.....
Saturday, March 28, 2009
I Just Want To Be Somebody's Anything...
Recently I've decided to start Blogging, today I did.
I've realized I'm not really anything special. I have also come to realize that I'd rather be my best friend who's never had a boyfriend than have gone out with the people I have.
I'm so tired of everyone being 'in love' most people aren't they're like 15 and 16 and don't have much to compare it to. They also say that they're inlove because they think that to be in a relationship you have to say it. To be honest don't say it if you don't truly mean it. No matter who it is you're talking to (of course you're family might be an exception).
It's rather late so I'm going to finish this up but I'll post later, not that anyone will probably read this anyways.
I've realized I'm not really anything special. I have also come to realize that I'd rather be my best friend who's never had a boyfriend than have gone out with the people I have.
I'm so tired of everyone being 'in love' most people aren't they're like 15 and 16 and don't have much to compare it to. They also say that they're inlove because they think that to be in a relationship you have to say it. To be honest don't say it if you don't truly mean it. No matter who it is you're talking to (of course you're family might be an exception).
It's rather late so I'm going to finish this up but I'll post later, not that anyone will probably read this anyways.
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